SSX: Next Gen
by Mr. Bigg
Summary: Enter a land of adventure, excitement, and stolen hotel showerheads!
1. Default Chapter

YES! WE ARE DONE WITH GARIBALDI! But seriously, nine chapters to finish the first race? Methinks we need a better system of writing the race chapters, cause they're getting a wee bit to long. You agree with me, eh? Good. Great! WONDERFUL. Let's get this gravy train rolling then, shall we?  
  
"I never knew first class was this cool," Gage said, sipping his root beer float. "Yeah- it's like they save all the good stuff for this place: good food, good movies, hot flight attendants." Inferno said, winking at one of the foxier stewardesses as she passed. "Ah. the good life," Oni said, putting her feet up. "It's too peaceful here. Where's Fisher? Shouldn't he be doing something like petitioning to watch that movie Alive?" Boris asked. "Shut up and live it for all it's worth, Boris. Leave the eating machine alone," Ryuki said.  
  
Shadow looked out the window, bored out of his mind. "Figures I get to sit next to Mr. Chatterbox over here," He mumbled, gesturing to Nick's sleeping figure. Alexia, who was sitting on the other side of Nick, laughed. "Yeah. I think Psymon's tattoo is more talkative than this sleeping giant," Alexia retorted. The pair laughed, until Nick grunted, "I can hear you, ya know." Shadow's eyes bugged out as Alexia went pale. Nick chuckled, and went back to sawing logs.  
  
"Yo, Rick! What really happened to Fisher?" Mac asked. "Well, the airline made some mistake in booking our seats, and Fisher's ticket ended up being a coach seat," Rick replied. Oni laughed pretty hard upon hearing this. "Anyone up for gloating after we land?" she asked. "I'm in," Lorelei said. "Me too," Inferno yelled. "I think we shouldn't rub it in Fisher's face. That is kind of mean." Brodi said from a trance-like sleep. "I'm out," Lorelei said quickly. "You're missing out." Oni said, winking at Lorelei. Lorelei blushed and sipped her soda.  
  
* * *  
  
Things weren't going so smoothly for Fisher, however. He was trapped between a hefty Grecian woman with a B.O. problem and a bald Satanist who was presently drooling on him as he slept. The steward, a small man with a very high voice, came by with their meals. "Sorry, sir, but all we have left is the kosher meal," he said, sounding like he didn't mean a work of it. "Kosher meal? Does it taste good?" Fisher asked hopefully. "I'll leave that to you," he replied, dropping the meal onto Fisher's tray. Fisher prodded the food with a fork, and pushed it away. "What did I do to deserve this?! How do I make it stop!?" Fisher wailed. "Ritual suicide?" the Satanist mumbled in his sleep. "That's sounding like a good option." Fisher said.  
  
Suddenly, Fisher got up. Seeing no one was looking, he quickly snuck into the first-class area. "Fisher! What's up?" Boris asked as Fisher gave the be-quiet signal. "So how's coach?" Boris asked. "Like hell, only you get crappy air jets," Fisher replied. "So, he lives to tell the tale," Gage said. "That's right Gage, now pay up!" Inferno said. "I still say it's not official until he lands in the airport," Gage replied, paying Inferno. Fisher was about to reply, when a cross flight attendant stopped by his seat. "May I see your ticket, please?" She asked. "I know it looks like I snuck up here, but I really was SUPPOSED to be here! They just botched the seats!" Fisher yelled, but he was already being dragged back to coach.  
  
"NO! I DON'T WANNA GO BACK! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE BACK THERE!" When he saw the flight attendant wasn't listening, he turned to Boris, Gage, and Inferno. "TELL THE WORLD! TELL THEM MY STORY!" Fisher yelled, and with a final heave, he was shoved into coach. "Did Fisher just try to break into first class?" Brodi said, snapping out of his trance/sleep. "Yup. Now we DEFFINATELY got to rub it in," Oni said. "Look sharp, people. We'll be landing shortly," Rick said.  
  
* * *  
  
"Rick- can we never ride planes again?" Fisher asked as he stepped into the terminal. "Sorry Fisher. Not up to me. But you guys should head over to baggage claim and get your stuff- we got a lot to do today," Rick said. "Come, comrades! Let us mosey over that way!" Ryuki said. "From man to hyper child with 2 cans of soda," Oni muttered. Ryuki, who was experiencing a massive sugar rush, sprinted over the baggage claim and grabbed his bag. Soon, everyone had their bags, save a very impatient Inferno. "THAT'S IT!" He yelled, as he clambered up the conveyer belt to the small hole where the baggage came out of. "What are you doing, Inferno?" Lilo asked. "Looking for my baggage!" Inferno said. He started to crawl head first into the hole, when suddenly the conveyer belt caught the edge of his jacket.  
  
"Hey guys! I'm stuck!" Inferno yelled. "Well, have you found your bags?" Lorelei asked. "Yeah, but I can't move!" Inferno replied. "Maybe this button does something?" Alexia asked, pressing a small button on the side of the terminal. Suddenly, the conveyer belt started pulling Inferno into the hole. "Uh. guys!? A little help?" Inferno yelled. "Is there another button?" Nick asked. "Nah," Alexia said. "Maybe the baggage claim terminal has been infected with a strange virus that requires it to feed on the blood of living things," Ryuki said. Everyone stared at him. "Sorry, I guess I've been playing to much Resident Evil," Ryuki said. "Oh yeah! That game rocks! But do you know where I can find the rocket launcher?" Shadow asked.  
  
"HEY! SOME OF US ARE BEING EATEN BY A BAGGAGE CLAIM TERMINAL OVER HERE!" Inferno yelled. "If we don't do something, Inferno may be on the flight to Hawaii," Gage said. "Then our task is clear- we must rid the world of the Baggage claim menace once and for all!" Fisher said. He ran up and started pulling Inferno out of the hole. "Help...me... too..out..of..shape.." Fisher said, tugging Inferno with all his might. "Alright, I'm coming," Gage said, as he began to pull on Fisher. Their combined efforts were not enough, however, as the conveyer belt started to suck all three of them in. "Ok, here comes Mr. Muscle," Boris said, as he grabbed Gage by his legs and began to pull. Slowly, the machine started to give as smoke billowed out from the hole.  
  
"SIRS! PLEASE GET OFF THE TERMINAL!" an employee yelled, noticing the large crowd forming around the baggage claim terminal. "We can't! our friend's stuck!" Boris yelled. "What do you mean- OH MY GOD!" She yelled, noticing the human chain. "If we don't do something, he'll be stuck!" Fisher screamed. "But if you keep pulling, the machine will over heat!" The employee bellowed. "Maybe we should use equilibrium!" Ryuki shouted. "SOUNDS GREAT! What the hell is it?" Alex asked. "Well, I think it when we stick a Librium to Inferno and a Librium to the machine.." Ryuki muttered. "We need some Libriums, STAT!" Shadow bellowed. No one moved. "Do I have to do EVERYTHING?!" Oni yelled, clambering onto the terminal. She reached into the hole, felt around, and tugged Inferno's jacket off. Inferno flew backwards, and soon Boris, Gage, Fisher and Inferno were a pile of flesh on the floor. But the terminal had already overheated, and with a mighty shake, flames burst out of the hole.  
  
"That looked expensive." Nick said. Fisher started to do a victory dance as Boris yelled, "Ladies and Gentlemen! You no longer have to live in fear of the Baggage claim menace!" he bellowed. "I had an Armani suit in there!" one person yelled. "And I had extremely important files in my bag!" another screamed. Soon, the crowd of people was yelling about their valuables lost in the flames. "Inferno- how many people does it take to form an angry mob?" Gage asked. "I'd say about ten, if they were angry enough," Inferno replied. "Well, how many do we have?" Gage asked. "Well, let's see: One, two three..." Fisher said as he started counting the people. "I lost count at 35.." Nick said. "Well, boys- when the going gets tough, the tough run like there was a fire in their pants," Gage said.  
  
Needless to say, they were on the road pretty fast. "So- what's our first stop?" Boris asked. "Well, Rick said we got to stop in the town for check in and stuff. Then we can go sight seeing," Mac said. "But what about the race?" Nick asked. "Snow dream is a lit course. All events are held at night," Zoe said. Soon, the airline limousines entered a town dominated by a large mountain. "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Snowdream!" Brodi yelled. As they stepped off the limos, they were greeted by an onslaught of fans, many of which brandished posters of Kaori. "I have a funny feeling that Kaori is the favorite here." Gage said. "Well, this is her home country, and she seems to be the fantasy of every fan boy......" Inferno muttered (A/N: The sad part: she IS).  
  
"Wait a minute- we have fans?" Boris asked, sounding a little dumbfounded. "Damn straight. Do you think I do this for the insanely generous paychecks?!" Eddie asked as he waved to the crowd. "Oh Gage- looks like some one's FOND of you," Inferno said, gesturing to a poster of Gage with a heart around it. "Ooh- Moochas Smooches for La ConKISStador!" Lilo said. "Hey- They have posters of me!" Inferno said. "Humph. No taste," Nick said, smiling coyly when Inferno glared at him. "Hey! There's a poster with me on it!" Fisher yelled. "You were expecting to not have fans?" Elise asked. "But..this is astronomical! No one EVER thought I was cool!" Fisher yelled. He grew so compelled that he even through them his hat. "Fisher- wasn't that your lucky hat?" Shadow asked. "OH SNAP!" Fisher yelled, and started to make his way through the fans. "FISHER! WE NEED TO REGISTAR! DOES ITENIRARY MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?!" Rick roared.  
  
"Do you want an honest answer? If I'm not back in five minutes, uh. wait longer!" Fisher yelled back. "Why do I get the feeling we may never see him again?" Nick asked as they watched Fisher make his way through the crowd. "Relax. They're only a legion of die-hard SSX fans. What could they do?" Oni asked. By the time Fisher returned, he was clad only in his underwear, hat, and boots. He hugged his board close as he shivered. "Yo, Fisher! What did they do?!" Mac asked, barely controlling his laughter. "They made me trade my clothes for my hat.." Fisher said, sounding dazed. "Jeez, they're like piranha," Lilo said, looking at the fans greedily clutching their prizes. "What's up-" Lorelei said, catching Fisher's form full blast. "That's a lot more of Fisher than I wanted to know about..." She said, covering her eyes. "Forgive me while I poke my eyes out with sharpened sticks," Oni said. "Don't give me that! You KNOW Adonis (A/N: Favored of Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of love for you uncultured swine! [A/N: Just Kidding!]) Doesn't have ANYHTING on me!" He said, flexing his arms.  
  
"You can put them away, hot shot. There aren't any cows to impress here," Elise said. Fisher blushed, and quickly hid behind his board. All the boarders laughed, guffawed, snorted, whatever and made their way to their rooms. "Where's everyone going?" Boris asked. "Silly Boris-kun! Big race tonight!" Kaori said bouncing off. Boris turned scarlet. "Better rest up- Any of us could be selected," Alexia said. "A nap sounds good. That plane ride made me sleepy," Ryuki said, stumbling into his room.. "Pleasant Snow dreams," Shadow replied.  
  
ALRIGHT! WHO THOUGHT THAT ENDING WAS WEAK!? *Everyone raises their hand* well, then. Uh. I guess wait until next chapter for the Snow dream competition. So until then, stay frosty, folks. 


	2. SSX Boarders versus the hotel of DOOM

Chapter 12 - (a few months behind schedule)  
  
A/N: DID YA MISS ME? I know it's been forever since I've posted, and I have a very good explanation for it. You see, the situation is. AMNESIA DUST!! *sprinkles amnesia dust on everyone* BWA HA HA! YOU REMEMBER NOTHING!  
  
But seriously folks, on with the tale.  
  
The hotel seminar room was packed with racers as Rick briefed them on tonight's events. "It's the same procedure as always- random selections are absolute, unless the racer is too injured or sick to race. And tonight's quarter finalists are: Ryuki, Brodi, Alexia, Mairsol, Mac, and Nick. Semi- finalists are Kaori, Lilo, and Psymon. Finalists are Shadow, Demi, and Elise. Now that that's taken care of, the hotel would like to make noticed the fact that since we arrived, certain objects have gone missing. Namely, anything not bolted to the floor. We will ask anonymous parties to return the stolen items by tonight or.. come on Fisher and Psymon! This is getting ridiculous!" Risk said to the startled pair, who were in the middle of taking the pens and mugs provided at their tables. "CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE, THAT'S ALL YOU GOT!" Psymon roared, standing up. As he did, several ashtrays, a salt shaker, some shower curtain rings, a bar of soap and some butter patties fell out of his shirt.  
  
"Ok, I know this looks bad, but...... These are all treasured family heirlooms! And I like having them close to me at all times!" Psymon said. "They have the hotel name written all over them," Gage noted. "Uh.. coincidence?" Psymon suggested. "Nice try. Now bring all that stuff up here. You too, Fisher," Rick said. Fisher didn't move. "Come on Fisher, hand over the goods," Risk said. "Fine, I'm coming," Fisher said sullenly. From the depths of his anorak he produced two shower heads, a towel, five hotel mints, the rest of the shower curtain rings and a bellhop's hat. As the pair walked back to their seats, Fisher grabbed a basket of bread and stuffed it into his mouth. "Ged a buer! (A/N: translation: "Get the Butter!")" He shouted as he chewed. Psymon quickly snatched the butter packets, did a double take, and grabbed the sugar packets as well. "We're keeping these!" he said triumphantly as the duo bolted out the door.  
  
"Well, now that those two idiots are gone.." Moby said. "Hey! That's my friend you're talking about!" Mac said. "Shut up and sit down half pint! Children should be seen, not heard!" Moby retorted. Mac responded by pelting Moby with paper. As the two threw paper at each other, more joined until everyone was throwing paper at each other. Oni, Boris and Inferno hunkered down under the table to escape papery-death. "We'll never get out of here!" Boris cried. "Keep it together soldier," Inferno said, folding several Paper Shuriken. "HA HA! TAKE THIS, CHUMP!" Luther roared, pelting Eddie with spitballs. "Dang! Luther's blocking the door!" Inferno noted. "Relax, I got a secret weapon," Oni said, holding an origami swan. "Pain comes with delicately folded wings, I take it?" Boris asked. "Oh yeah," Oni chuckled, grinning evilly. Suddenly, Kaori joined them under the table. "Hi everyone!" She said cheerily. Boris turned a ghastly shade of purple. "Hey Kaori. We're busting out- you in?" Inferno asked. "Yes! I think Luther is getting a little to into this whole paper fight," Kaori replied.  
  
Suddenly, Oni faced Luther and yelled, "EAT SWAN, FATBOY!" as she hurled the swan with all her might. It flew true, striking Luther right in the eye. Luther clutched the paper bird and roared, tripped over a toppled chair and fell into the door, which gave way under his mighty girth. "We'll never make it through!" Inferno said as the cross fire increased. "Hold on!" Boris said, rapping an arm around Inferno and Oni as Kaori scrambled onto his back. "CHARGE!!" Oni said as Boris jumped on the table (which collapsed under their combined weight) and tore across the room. As soon as they cleared the doorway, Boris deposited his three passengers and collapsed on the floor.  
  
"What's going on?" Fisher and Psymon asked as they carried off a large potted plant and a statue. "They've gone crazy- if it doesn't stop, someone could get a paper cut!" Kaori said. "YE GODS! THIS SOUNDS LIKE A JOB FOR PSY-MAN!" Psymon yelled, striking a pose as he dropped his end of the statue, which shattered when it hit the floor. Seeing their booty destroyed, Fisher pushed the fractured statue under a rug and walked off. Meanwhile, Psymon grabbed a fire extinguisher and said, "NOW IT'S TIME FOR ALL A YA TO COOL DOWN!" "NO PSYMON, DON'T-" But Psymon had already blasted half the room with flame-retardant chemicals. "DON'T RUN! DON'T RUN!" Psymon cackled as he sprayed the racers. Finally, when the room was completely covered, the barrage stopped. "Psymon sweetie, do you know how much it costs to get these coats CLEANED!?" Seeiah bellowed. "The time has come to depart! Come, young ward!" Psymon said, grabbing a surprised Mac as he ran out of the room, chased by an angry white horde.  
  
Needless to say, the Hotel manager was a little more than surprised to see the group tear across his lobby. He hurried over to the seminar room and grimaced at the forms of Boris and Luther on the floor, and the broken antique statue stuffed under the rug. The fact that the seminar room was a bright white and filled with broken furniture did little to improve his mood. "I can expect that the SSX board will compensate for the damages to my seminar room," He told Rick coldly. Rick stood up, foam dripping off his face, replying, "Yeah, but some others are going to pay for this as well.."  
  
* * *  
  
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN GROUNDED?!" Zoe yelled at Rick. "After what you all pulled today, that's not half as bad as the minimal punishment," Rick said. "But.. we're in Japan! We'll miss out on all the cheap anime products! And pocky!" Fisher whined. "Pocky or not, no one leaves their rooms unless they need to race, or eat," Rick replied. "What if there's a fire in the hotel?" Lilo asked. "In that highly unlikely situation, then you can leave. Otherwise, all of you are to STAY PUT. Yes Brodi, even if you weren't involved," Rick said. "C'mon Rick, we were only having a bit of fun!" Gage said. "Well, if you want to keep having fun you can start paying for it with your own money!" Rick fumed as he walked out.  
  
"Well, what a fine mess we're all in! And it's all YOUR FAULT!" Moby said, pointing an accusing finger at Fisher. "Back off, man. It's nobody's fault," Eddie said reassuringly. "Don't give me that crap! If that sticky fingered git hadn't looted half the bloody hotel, then we never would have been in this mess! Now I'm stuck hanging with you losers all night!" Moby moaned. "Hey- our nights were ruined too, but we're not complaining!" Nick said. "Listen you greaser wannabe-" Moby yelled, but Gage and Luther hauled him over to the balcony. "I think you need a time out," Gage said as they dumped him on the cold balcony floor. They immediately locked him out. "Now if you're a good boy, we might consider letting you back in," Oni said sweetly.  
  
"All quarter finalists should start getting ready!" Rick said, passing each of the rooms. In Ryuki's room, he started to put on his boots. "Hey, good luck man. Hope I get to race ya in the finals," Shadow said. "Heh. Like I need luck," Ryuki said. "But thanks anyways," he added hastily. He joined Alexia, who was already making her way to the gondola. She stepped in to find Brodi, Mac and Nick were already inside. The gondola was awkwardly silent for a while, until Brodi popped a question. "This is the first race for you guys, right?" he asked. The three new racers nodded, making it obvious that they were all a tad nervous (except Nick, who was better at hiding it than the other two). "You all gotta relax, yo," Mac said, laughing at how tense they were. "Mac's right. If you want, I know a few quick meditations we can do for the ride up," Brodi offered. "Say no- trust me," Marisol said as the gondola began to move.  
  
"You don't seem very nervous, Nick," Brodi noted. "Yeah. Whenever I'm in a competition like this I just think of other stuff," Nick replied, looking out the window. "Like how the cable could snap and we could plummet to our deaths before the race even began?" Ryuki suggested. "Wow. At least I'm not worried about the race anymore," Alexia said. Suddenly, the gondola shuddered to a halt as it reached the summit. "Good luck, all of you. And remember, have fun with it!" Brodi said, walking off for some pre race contemplation. "Siddhartha over there's starting to annoy me," Ryuki muttered. "Ok guys- line up!" Rick said, gesturing to the starting boxes. The group checked their gear, strapped on their boards, and got ready for the competition.  
  
* * *  
  
"Man, how are we gonna ditch this place?" Gage asked. "I guess we don't," Inferno replied miserably. "C'mon guys! I know how to get out!" Eddie said. "And how do you intend to do that?" Oni asked. "'Cause I got a plan," Eddie replied, a fiendish look crossing over his face. The other racers started to huddle in as Fisher went over his idea. "What is it? What's the plan?" Fisher asked. "There's no need for me to tell you now. Just follow my lead at dinner," Eddie replied as he walked away. "I got a bad feeling about this," Elise said. "Well, what else can we do? You wanna stay here the whole night?" Seeiah asked. "It's not so bad! It's just like my old dorm room! Except they don't have any mattresses on the walls. Come to think of it, I never went to college.." Psymon commented. "Fancy that," Elise remarked, rolling her eyes.  
  
"Ok guys, let's go," Eddie said, walking out into the hall. "This is your plan? You're just going to walk out of the hotel?" Seeiah asked. "Do you think I'm that dumb?!" Eddie asked. "Well, it's certainly not above you," Oni replied. "Zoe- you got the parcel?" Eddie asked. "Yea, with bells on it!" Zoe replied. Eddie and Zoe walked out of the room, and the group reluctantly followed. "HEY RICK! YOU WANNA COME TO DINNER?!" they hollered, banging on his door. "What are you guys doing!? You're grounded!" Rick asked, coming out of his room. "We gonna get a bite at the restaurant in the lobby. You want in?" Psymon asked. "Uh.. sure," Rick replied, stepping out into the hallway. They all made their way down to the lobby, and they had all sat down to eat, when suddenly....  
  
"FIRE! SCRAMBLE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Zoe and Eddie roared, pointing at a table candle and diving out a near by window. The rest just looked at them run, and walked out too. "WHAT?! YOU'RE ALL GROUNDED! YOU CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" Rick roared. No one listened to him, however, and he slumped into his chair. He then noticed a tape player with a note attached that said, "PLAY ME." Rick picked up the tape player and played it. "What if there's a fire in the hotel?" Lilo's voice asked from the speaker. "In that highly unlikely situation, then you can leave," Rick's voice replied. The real Rick felt all eyes fall on him as the hotel manager came up to have another 'chat'. "I don't get paid enough for this," he muttered.  
  
Blog- Done and done, I must say. It's good to be back on the SSX circuit. I promise to get the racing in the next chapter; I just gotta dust off the ol' SSX CD first (And beat Skies of Arcadia. And Sword of Mana. And Legend of Zelda Master Quest. And find an old SNES so I can beat Secret of Mana. And go back in time to convince the makers of Seiken Densetsu 3 to make an English version.), so it should be up soon.  
  
peez 


End file.
